My Bipolar Journey

At the end of the day, your life is based on how you feel. If you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right. This famous quote by Henry Ford highlights that your mindset determines your success or failure. Believing you can achieve a goal leads to perseverance and effort, while doubting yourself often leads to failure, regardless of your actual ability. It emphasizes that your mental attitude shapes your reality. To be honest, this makes good sense, but if you are in a depression, it’s easier said than done. My psychologist once asked me, what factors played a role in getting out of your depression. I said therapy, medication, family and friends. She stopped for a moment and said “it was you”

“Life is a journey, not a destination” is an inspirational proverb, often attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson, meaning fulfillment comes from daily experiences, learning, and growth rather than just achieving final goals. As a matter of fact, life is all about the little things. I spent a lot of time looking for the big idea. Also, thinking something was going to fall from heaven. But I realized that its the little things that give us a sense of fulfillment. For example, a morning coffee, a dinner with a friend at a restaurant, even as simple as breathing fresh air on a sunny day.

“If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate,” a famous sentiment often attributed to IBM founder Thomas J. Watson, means that accelerating failure—and learning from it—is the fastest path to success. By treating mistakes as essential feedback rather than as an enemy, you iterate faster, build resilience, and gain the experience needed to succeed.

The only thing that people want in life is positive reinforcement, motivation and inspiration. During my career in radio sales, I had the opportunity to hire and train hundreds of sales people. And what I came to realize is that positive reinforcement is more important than a paycheck. It’s how we build children with confidence and self esteem.

Positive reinforcement—the addition of a rewarding stimulus following a desired behavior—is a powerful and generally preferred tool for motivating individuals, increasing performance, and building confidence. Research indicates that it is often more effective in the long term than punishment or negative reinforcement, as it fosters a positive environment and promotes lasting behavioral change.

My father taught me about the importance of forgiveness. Its the only way to move forward with your life. We forgive not only for the other person but for ourselves. During my major manic episode of 2023, I hurt a lot of family and friends with some type of verbal harassment. But I was lucky because when I was released from the hospital, all of my friends and family forgave me. They understood that it was the mania and not the real me.

Always treat people with compassion. They may be suffering from mental illness or other life challenges. My father taught me about the importance of helping others. And Anthony Robbins once said when you see a homeless person, stop, look them in the eye and talk to them. The vast majority of homeless people suffer from mental illness.

Life is a series of challenges punctuated by sporadic moments of happiness. Life is a continuous series of challenges, and it is through overcoming these obstacles—not avoiding them—that we grow, gain wisdom, and build resilience. Rather than waiting for a “perfect” time without problems, embracing these challenges as opportunities for growth allows us to find meaning and joy in the present moment.

After 6 months of languishing, I had to make a move. So I did, literally. I rented a condo and moved after the 6 months was over. That, coupled with the anti depressants lifted my spirits; I wasn’t back to my old self, but some forward progress was being made. My biggest challenge was what to do with my life. As I have no hobbies, it was difficult to get through the day. So I tried 3 things and failed 3 times. First, I took over the sales operation of a radio station. But the owner would only pay commission and it’s virtually impossible to hire new salespeople on straight commission. Second, I tried to form a mental health support group. It was promoted on social media and only 2 people showed up at the first meeting. The second had only one person and it became obvious it wasn’t going to work. Third, I decided to launch a small sales and marketing consultancy. There were 5 – 6 prospects, people that I knew, and I couldn’t close one. So I had to give up. There is a blog about giving up on my bipolar journey.

And then, when you least expect it, things started to happen. I don’t have any hobbies, but I love being on the radio and I also love music. And of course, helping others. So I focused in that direction. My first score was getting an on air shift in a small town just outside of Montreal playing soft seventies on the weekend. And I am now in talks with another radio station for an on air shift. Both stations are interested in talking to me about sales as well. Second, I volunteered my marketing knowledge to help a non-profit organization. And third, this blog has been cathartic and will eventually become my book on bipolar disorder. Hopefully, the book will help others who are going through the same thing. Finally, something to do that I enjoy.

While in the hospital, I read a book called Spirit Junkie. It was about how to recognize and change from fearful ways of thinking, to make way for bliss and how to maintain our happiness and share it with the world. By understanding and changing our perceptions, hang ups will melt away, resentment will release and a childhood faith in joy will be reignited.

Being released from the hospital after 4 months was a huge moment. I had only been out once or twice for a couple of hours, hadn’t driven for 4 months and did not have a place to live as I had sold my condo just before being jailed amd hospitalized. My release was based on my psychiatrists report and being cleared by the tribunal of judges, lawyers and psychologists that had been assigned my case. As with court, they accepted the recommendations of my psychiatrist. But for the first year, I was to be followed by a group of social workers and nurses. My blood tests were taken regularly in order to make sure that my lithium levels were fine. In Canada, the standard target for serum lithium levels in maintenance treatment for bipolar disorder is generally 0.6–0.8 mmol/L (12-hour trough), with a wider acceptable range of 0.6–1.2 mmol/L depending on the patient, according to expert consensus. For acute mania, higher levels (1.0–1.5 mmol/L) may be needed, while older adults (60+) often have lower targets (0.4–0.8 mmol/L).  My level was .07, so all good. Lithium is a medication primarily used as a mood stabilizer to treat bipolar disorder, specifically managing and preventing manic episodes and reducing suicide risk. It works by acting on the central nervous system to balance brain chemicals, though its exact mechanism is not fully understood. It is also used for treatment-resistant depression.

So now what? No home, no friends, no family. I had alienated everyone in my circle. Was I ready to rebuild my life at the age of 65? The first step was to find a place to live so I rented a room from a friend of mine for 6 months. The adaptation to normal life was very challenging. I literally did nothing for the first 6 months except watching Netflix and ordering junk food. I felt there was no reason to carry. The thought of suicide entered my mind. But as the saying goes, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The challenge was that I had nothing to do and was not motivated to do anything.

Thankfully my psychiatrist prescribed an anti depressant and it began to work. Although she had to be careful that it didn’t push me back into a manic state. So far, so good.