My Bipolar Journey

It has been 2 1/2 years since the manic episode of summer / fall 2023. This is the manic episode that almost ruined my life. I lost everything – home, job, girlfriend, family, friends, and any sense of positive self esteem. After 3 weeks in jail and 4 months in a psychiatric ward, I was finally released. What am I to do? I had essentially given up but something inside of me said that I should keep on going. So I did. Slowly regaining the circle of family and friends that I had lost. Finding another on  air gig with two other possibilities. And just this week, moving into a new condo which I love as it has a view of the water (very peaceful), a heated inground pool and a gym. I’m so happy and believe that I deserve good things. And my confidence is back. The final piece of the puzzle was a lawsuit against me for $30,000 because when I was manic, I signed a lease for a 4 bedroom house, for one person. Thankfully we settled a much lower amount. So, in the words of a dear friend of mine, “he’s back”. The moral of the story is never, ever, ever give up.

In the fall of 2023, I was in a manic state and my life was slowly falling apart. A manic state, or manic episode, is a psychiatric syndrome characterized by abnormally elevated energy, arousal, and an expansive or highly irritable mood lasting at least a week. It significantly disrupts daily functioning and is the primary feature of bipolar I disorder.

There had been many incidents with the police and 5 arrests, all for verbal harassment. On this fall day in October, I was wandering around Walmart and talking to people. I didn’t feel as if I was causing any trouble. But Walmart called the police and they arrived as I was leaving. They questioned me and let me go. An hour later, I was in Dollarama and they showed up again and I was detained for questioning. I spoke to a social worker on the phone and she ascertained that I must go to the hospital. I was given no choice.

The “P-38” refers to the Act respecting the protection of persons whose mental state presents a danger to themselves or to others in Quebec. It is the legal framework that allows police and medical professionals to force a psychiatric evaluation or confinement on someone who is a “grave and immediate danger” to themselves or others, without their consent.

When I arrived, the doctor sat with me and asked a series of questions. I thought everything would be fine and I would be released. He excused himself and when he returned declared that I was in a manic state and had to stay in the hospital. A psychiatric hold, particularly for an extended duration like 3 weeks, is an involuntary or emergency medical admission for individuals who present a danger to themselves or others, or are unable to care for themselves. The primary goal is to stabilize the individual, evaluate their symptoms, and adjust treatments.

So in my state, I decided to try and leave. I was held back by the police and before I knew it, I was on a gurney surrounded by a dozen people and was injected with haldol.

Haldol is a typical antipsychotic medication. It is prescribed to treat schizophrenia, manage tics in Tourette syndrome, and control severe behavioral issues or acute psychosis. It works by balancing dopamine levels in the brain.

I awoke about 12 hours later and found my arms and legs strapped to a concrete slab in a dark room with no windows. As a matter of fact, there was nothing in the room. Several nurses came in to check on me, they undid the straps, helped me up to the bathroom and brought me some food. That was the beginning of my journey.

One of the key factors in mania is not being able to determine the difference between right and wrong. And in the last days of my manic episode, this is precisely what happened. I signed a lease with my real estate agent and a landlord to rent a 4 bedroom house for $3,000 per month. Extravagant and illogical. Within days of signing the lease, I was arrested and put in jail because there was no room at the psychiatric ward of the hospital. And communicating from a jail cell is virtually impossible. After 3 weeks, a judge had me transferred to the hospital where I spent the next four months. Once again, hard to communicate with no cell phone and just the public phones at the hospital. I felt bad for the owner, but there was nothing that I could do. About a year goes by and I’m living in a room at a friend’s. I receive a letter from the Tribunal Administratif de Logement saying that the owner was suing me for $30,000. That’s quite a substantial amount for a place that I never set foot in and he rented four months later. So I either have to hire a lawyer or represent myself in the next few weeks. Is it fair? No. But by the same token, I understand the owner. I will ask my psychiatrist to write a letter explaining the situation to the judge. We had a mediation session several months ago where I offered to pay the owner $7,500 but he refused. He has absolutely no comprehension of what it means to suffer from a mental illness. So, pardon the pun, but the jury is out. Let’s keep our fingers crossed that this turns out for the best.

Once you are diagnosed with bipolar disorder, your family and friends look at you from a different perspective. First, you may have done something to hurt them during a manic episode. Even though you didn’t know the difference between right and wrong, you still made a negative impact on their lives. The vast majority of people that you hurt in some way, shape or form will forgive you. They are perceptive enough to know that there is a difference between the real you and the manic version.

However, once you have recovered through medication and therapy, you will still be looked at through a different set of eyes. For example, a friend asked me if I had my lithium levels tested recently. Another group of 3 friends showed up at my place one day to talk, I called it an intervention. And my son suggested that I was unhinged because of a rant that I posted on Facebook about King Charles. They only acted out of concern  but I was nowhere near manic. My lithium prevents me from getting high. Lithium is a highly effective, evidence-based treatment for bipolar disorder and a potent “add-on” (augmentation) therapy for treatment-resistant unipolar depression, often reducing suicide risk. It works as a mood stabilizer, generally requiring1 300–1800mg daily, monitored via blood tests to maintain safe levels (0.5–1.2 mmol/L).

So it’s disconcerting that any upbeat, happy moments can be perceived as mania. At the end of the day, their perceptions are based on a genuine concern for my welfare.

Normal describes what is usual, typical, or expected, conforming to a standard, average, or regular pattern. It applies to behaviors within societal norms, expected patterns, or standard measurements like temperature or health. But is there truly such a thing as normal. It has different meanings for different people. I think normal is the ability to differentiate between right and wrong. When you are manic, you cannot tell the difference. Your mind is not able to determine the difference. And although there is a rush of feelings and emotions, it is also very dangerous. During my mania in the summer and fall of 2023, there were 15 incidents where the police were called. I was arrested 5 times because of verbal harassment; fortunately, it didn’t go any further. But it did result in spending 24 days at Bordeaux before being sent to the psychiatric ward of the Valleyfield Hospital for 4 months.

Key Characteristics and Usage Examples

• Social and Emotional Functioning: Someone who can navigate daily life without immense effort, maintain relationships, and experience typical emotional responses to situations.
• Social Conformity: Often implies following established rules, laws, and cultural conventions—e.g., getting a job, marrying, or adhering to a “9-to-5” routine.
• Absence of Impairment: A person without significant psychological, emotional, or physical impediments to daily functioning.
• Examples: A person who enjoys popular culture, holds a regular job, engages in typical socialization, and maintains a stable daily routine (e.g., waking up early, working, managing household chores).

So, what is normal? I think it’s different things for different people. A retired person may be comfortable staying home and limiting their socializing. Whereas, a working person may be happy working 50 hours a week and partying every weekend. As long as you are not breaking the law, your normal can be anything that you want it to be as long as it makes you happy.

This part of my story is the saddest of them all. My mother was an incredible human being. She chose to stay home and raise her kids. She always put family first. During the manic episode of 2023, I went to see my mother later in the evening but she didn’t answer the door. I called the police to do a wellness check and they broke in and scared the living daylights out of her. My sister called the police and I had to appear in court as she exaggerated the story. My lawyer told me that I had to sign an 8-10 in front of a judge and stay away for a year. Devastating. I respected the court ruling and when the year was over, I wanted to see her ASAP. However my sister, who I consider to be evil, had sold the family home and moved my mother into a senior residence, unbeknownst to me. We also managed to convince my mother to give her all the proceeds from the house. So I found out where she was but every time I called or visited, she was somehow not available. How ironic. My sister teamed up with the residence to block me from seeing my mother. Cruel. My mother was my best friend. And several months later, I found out that my mother had passed away but the covert operation continued and I couldn’t find out about the burial and placement. Imagine being so callous that you block your brother from seeing his mother in the last 2 years of her life. Disgusting. Despicable.  Although I had a ceremony to celebrate my mothers life, I was not able to grieve. Blood is not always thicker than water. What my sister did is called elder abuse. A sibling blocking access to a parent is often a form of elder abuse (isolation) or a red flag for financial exploitation. Even with power of attorney, siblings generally cannot legally ban family members from visiting if the parent wishes to see them. I never understood the concept of hate until this happened. My sister made arbitrary decions while I was suffering from a mental illness spending time in jail and in the hospital. I renounce my sister and whe will never be a part of my life. I know that forgiveness is important but in this case it will never happen. I am looking into hiring a criminal lawyer and press charges against her for elder abuse. She is the worst type of human being that there is in the world. I can never get this time back. And she coerced my mother and is receiving 85% of the estate. I sincerely hope that she pays for her actions. Karma is a bitch.

As the title suggests, this article is about the idea that you can’t depend on other people. Naturally, this may come off as pessimistic and might contain some harsh truths, but it’s a message that certain people, myself included, desperately need to hear.

I want to be able to rely on others and trust them, and I genuinely try to do that. Yet, reality often leaves much to be desired. Promises aren’t kept, and I’ve been jaded by life.

At the end of the day, you have to realize that you are responsible for your own life and outcomes. Nobody is coming to save you. You have to learn to save yourself.

Always help others. There is nothing that you can do which is more important than helping others. My father taught me this and exemplified it during his life. I once walked into a retail establishment to get a picture framed. When I returned to pick it up, the gentleman behind the counter saw my name and asked if I was related to Jim Thompson. I told him that he was my father. He came around the counter and started crying and hugging me. He told me that he and his family had hit hard times and he went to visit my father at church. Apparently my father paid his rent and food for several months until he could get back on his feet. And my father never told a soul. A true humble servant.

At the end of the day, your life is based on how you feel. If you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right. This famous quote by Henry Ford highlights that your mindset determines your success or failure. Believing you can achieve a goal leads to perseverance and effort, while doubting yourself often leads to failure, regardless of your actual ability. It emphasizes that your mental attitude shapes your reality. To be honest, this makes good sense, but if you are in a depression, it’s easier said than done. My psychologist once asked me, what factors played a role in getting out of your depression. I said therapy, medication, family and friends. She stopped for a moment and said “it was you”

“Life is a journey, not a destination” is an inspirational proverb, often attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson, meaning fulfillment comes from daily experiences, learning, and growth rather than just achieving final goals. As a matter of fact, life is all about the little things. I spent a lot of time looking for the big idea. Also, thinking something was going to fall from heaven. But I realized that its the little things that give us a sense of fulfillment. For example, a morning coffee, a dinner with a friend at a restaurant, even as simple as breathing fresh air on a sunny day.