My Bipolar Journey

Being released from the hospital after 4 months was a huge moment. I had only been out once or twice for a couple of hours, hadn’t driven for 4 months and did not have a place to live as I had sold my condo just before being jailed amd hospitalized. My release was based on my psychiatrists report and being cleared by the tribunal of judges, lawyers and psychologists that had been assigned my case. As with court, they accepted the recommendations of my psychiatrist. But for the first year, I was to be followed by a group of social workers and nurses. My blood tests were taken regularly in order to make sure that my lithium levels were fine. In Canada, the standard target for serum lithium levels in maintenance treatment for bipolar disorder is generally 0.6–0.8 mmol/L (12-hour trough), with a wider acceptable range of 0.6–1.2 mmol/L depending on the patient, according to expert consensus. For acute mania, higher levels (1.0–1.5 mmol/L) may be needed, while older adults (60+) often have lower targets (0.4–0.8 mmol/L).  My level was .07, so all good. Lithium is a medication primarily used as a mood stabilizer to treat bipolar disorder, specifically managing and preventing manic episodes and reducing suicide risk. It works by acting on the central nervous system to balance brain chemicals, though its exact mechanism is not fully understood. It is also used for treatment-resistant depression.

So now what? No home, no friends, no family. I had alienated everyone in my circle. Was I ready to rebuild my life at the age of 65? The first step was to find a place to live so I rented a room from a friend of mine for 6 months. The adaptation to normal life was very challenging. I literally did nothing for the first 6 months except watching Netflix and ordering junk food. I felt there was no reason to carry. The thought of suicide entered my mind. But as the saying goes, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The challenge was that I had nothing to do and was not motivated to do anything.

Thankfully my psychiatrist prescribed an anti depressant and it began to work. Although she had to be careful that it didn’t push me back into a manic state. So far, so good.