My Bipolar Journey

In the fall of 2023, I was in a manic state and my life was slowly falling apart. A manic state, or manic episode, is a psychiatric syndrome characterized by abnormally elevated energy, arousal, and an expansive or highly irritable mood lasting at least a week. It significantly disrupts daily functioning and is the primary feature of bipolar I disorder.

There had been many incidents with the police and 5 arrests, all for verbal harassment. On this fall day in October, I was wandering around Walmart and talking to people. I didn’t feel as if I was causing any trouble. But Walmart called the police and they arrived as I was leaving. They questioned me and let me go. An hour later, I was in Dollarama and they showed up again and I was detained for questioning. I spoke to a social worker on the phone and she ascertained that I must go to the hospital. I was given no choice.

The “P-38” refers to the Act respecting the protection of persons whose mental state presents a danger to themselves or to others in Quebec. It is the legal framework that allows police and medical professionals to force a psychiatric evaluation or confinement on someone who is a “grave and immediate danger” to themselves or others, without their consent.

When I arrived, the doctor sat with me and asked a series of questions. I thought everything would be fine and I would be released. He excused himself and when he returned declared that I was in a manic state and had to stay in the hospital. A psychiatric hold, particularly for an extended duration like 3 weeks, is an involuntary or emergency medical admission for individuals who present a danger to themselves or others, or are unable to care for themselves. The primary goal is to stabilize the individual, evaluate their symptoms, and adjust treatments.

So in my state, I decided to try and leave. I was held back by the police and before I knew it, I was on a gurney surrounded by a dozen people and was injected with haldol.

Haldol is a typical antipsychotic medication. It is prescribed to treat schizophrenia, manage tics in Tourette syndrome, and control severe behavioral issues or acute psychosis. It works by balancing dopamine levels in the brain.

I awoke about 12 hours later and found my arms and legs strapped to a concrete slab in a dark room with no windows. As a matter of fact, there was nothing in the room. Several nurses came in to check on me, they undid the straps, helped me up to the bathroom and brought me some food. That was the beginning of my journey.